Slump.

Reading: Rite by Tad Williams
Listening to: "Kimi ni Negai wo" by Miyavi
Drinking: Diet Pepsi
What I'm doing right now: Procrastinating. Aren't we all?

I've been in an artistic slump as of late. Actually, for the past few years. My inspiration has been in steady decline and I have no idea what to do... I don't even really feel motivated to write this blog anymore, although I've just begun. I consider myself an artist and yet I don't remember the last time I completed a picture. I also write stories but never seem to finish them. When I sing I don't know why I am singing anymore.

I think that I am serving two masters: Creativity and the Expectations of Others. Rarely do the needs of the two coincide. I'm constantly busy with the outrageous amount of pointless school work my teachers heap on me and trying to keep my grades up in Pre-Calc(curse it!). By the time I'm done forcing my way through the day I have no energy left in the end. I want to do something creative to take my mind off things but I'm too lazy to even pick up a pencil. :P I try to avoid stress as much as possible, so this makes me pretty lazy. Whenever I think about the amount of work I have I purposely put it out of my mind. Everything becomes a chore at some point. Including art. And it sucks.

As for life in general, I just got over being dreadfully sick. About a week and a half ago I went to school with a bad fever and dizzy spells, and by 2nd period I knew I had to go home. I hit the sack as soon as I got to my room, until sometime in the afternoon. Then I watched a couple movies and was peeling an orange standing up in the kitchen. I remember asking my mom to peel the orange for me because I wasn't sure if I could lift my hand that far, and then the next thing I know I'm lying on the cool bathroom floor with my parents standing over me. Whenever people describe their experiences of passing out, they say "Everything went dark," but really there's just a lapse in your memory and suddenly you're somewhere else. What happened was that my blood pressure was too low and blood wasn't getting to my head, so my brain shut itself off. My dad managed to catch me and take the knife out of my hand before I stabbed myself though.

And I performed my solos this weekend for the Solo & Ensemble competition. The best score is Superior, and under that is Excellent, Good, Poor, etc. I sang "Solvejg's Song" by Edvard Grieg which has some high coloratura parts which were difficult, and then my other one was Bach's "Bist Du Bei Mir" which was easy for me because it was in German. I was still really congested during my performance, so my breathing was terrible and my voice cracked on the first note, which never happened before. I also panicked and it took me a little while to remember the lyrics. Therefore I got only an Excellent. I hate being sick. But I don't really mind too much. It wasn't my fault, and the judges were really harsh this year. Many people who should have gotten Superiors got Excellents instead. Bah.

Well, here's my Calvin and Hobbes post: :)



With that, signing off.
~Joanna